Russians Hack Uranus!
Hackers Probe Uranus Relentlessly!
Uranus News Report– The Uranus Intelligence and Security Agency has issued a statement today that Russian Hackers had infiltrated the Mayor’s personal Email account and was holding the account for ransom. The head of the UISA, Mike Shepard, stated that ” The Russians have found a back-door into Uranus and exploited it to get at the Mayor’s email account. They have made a list of demands that we must meet to release the account back to us”
Our reporter on the scene has been able to get a copy of the list of demands sent by the Russians
Dear Mr. Handsome Mayor,
For us to release email login credentials, you must do following
- Send to us, 453.5 grams fudge, fresh from Uranus. Send it weekly, what we want, we will tell you. MUST BE FRESH FROM URANUS!
- Uranus is causing global warming with massive methane gas leaks, You must control gassiness of Uranus
- You must provide our “even more” handsome President Putin with tourist visa as he wants to visit and explore Uranus repeatably and often
Head of Russian Hackers
When asked about the outrageous demands, Mayor Big Louie responded ” While I appreciate the flattery, I don’t think that President Putin is more handsome than I. In fact, I may put my photo versus his photo in a “Hot or Not” contest just to prove who is the more handsome. This kind of outrage and false claims isn’t acceptable to the millions of people who love and visit Uranus. It is my job to protect and defend the reputation of Uranus, no matter how many times it is violated…..and Uranus is violated a LOT”
When contacted via world wide web electronic mail, Yukonal Fukov, the head of the Russian hackers said this “It was easy to find backdoor of Uranus. we probed Uranus repeatedly until we were able to slip in, just a little bit.”
Mayor Big Louie assured the citizens of Uranus that he had changed his passwords on all of his social media accounts and that it was guaranteed to be safe as “who would know his deceased father’s name and birthday?“
Putin responded to these allegations on his Twitter feed
More on this Story as it develops