Uranus Smelling Better Than Ever
New Pollution Legislation Has Uranus Smelling Better Than Ever
URANUS, MO – In an ongoing battle with the local Fudge Packing Union in Uranus, Deputy Mayor Brian Muench said Wednesday he is taking a stand against the Union’s dumping habits in Uranus.
“It isn’t fair to our citizens and we all need to join together and really get behind this cause,” Muench said.
Thanks largely in part to a private investigation led by local activist Allen Dale Shortell, Jr. it has been documented that the Fudge Packing Union has been illegally dumping their fudge waste all over Uranus for years, leaving many residents to live with a foul smell.
Deputy Mayor Brian Muench explained “When I was sworn in as Deputy Mayor I told myself my first priority would be to have Uranus smelling better than its ever smelled before. In fact, at least several of my children told me the other day they couldn’t even stand to participate in recess at Uranus Elementary because the odor coming from the Fudge Packing Plant was so unbearable.â€
“If our children can’t play in Uranus, where do we expect them to play?” Muench said at a news conference earlier in the week.
Local resident, Kraig Koger, agreed with the Deputy Mayors sentiments. “I don’t think any of the children in the area really want to play in Uranus anymore…….. and the stains they get from the dirty old fudge is almost impossible to get out of their clothing”, Koger said.
Muench is expected to propose legislation in the upcoming months to change the way the Fudge Packing Union dumps its toxic fudge remnants in Uranus.
At this time we are considering several options, one of which would be a donation program to make sure there is never any leftover fudge in Uranus,â€ he said. â€œOur biggest concern with that resolution would be potential obesity issues among our citizens, and I just don’t want to see Uranus getting any fatter than it already is.â€
More details of the plan are expected later in the week.
At press time the Fudge Packing Union had neglected to return any phone calls to the Uranus Gazette regarding this matter.